Tuesday, July 21, 2020

With Regards to Old Friends


A shock; a sudden jolt; a chill. I look down and see it there, sticking out of my chest – the dagger’s obsidian handle. My eyes dart upward towards those surrounding me, walking by. No one stops; no one looks towards me; no one sees the smokey black substance beginning to pour out from my wound. The smoke continues to ooze out but does not fall towards the floor. It instead forms two snakes, coiling and intertwining around my body to wrap me in a cold, familiar embrace. The snake on my left shoulder hisses into my ear.

“Hey there, kid! Tcht. You’ve been taking care of yourself. You look well. Looks like we’ve been asleep for a bit longer than I thought.” Her voice sprinted through my mind, mapping out the terrain. “Well, it’ll take a bit to get things back to normal, but I can’t tell you how great it feels to be home.”

Panic sets in immediately as I feel her scraping away at the back of my eyes.  My heart rate spikes as my breaths shorten and the world begins to spin. I drop to my knees, clutching my head, shouting out for help. Those passing by carry on, oblivious to my anguish. No one stops; no one acknowledges my voice; no one glances in my direction. The snake on my right shoulder displays his forked tongue, touches the back of my neck, and sends his chill down my spine, numbing the panic. He, too, hisses.

“Hello my love. It has been far too long. I’d almost forgotten the way your skin feels.” His voice dripped with lust. “You’re uncomfortably warm right now, you know. It doesn’t suit you. Let me slip you into something a bit more comfortable.”

A sinister aura begins to pervade my body. In desperation, I grip the handle with both hands, pulling it out only to have my heart sink deeper. There is no blade. The hole in my chest in not that of a stab wound. Instead, it is a perfect circular abyss. Nothing but shadow continued to pour out. I cry out once more for anyone, anything.

“Relax now, my love. I’ll take your pain away.”

My cry is cut short by the pang of horror that fills me as he reclaims the throne within my heart. For a moment there is a sharp, piercing pain before a familiar numbness dulls…

Everything.             

There is no longer a need for the fear. There is no longer a need for the anguish. There is no longer a need to cry out. He has made sure of that. He ensures that there is no longer a need for needing anything. She supports him, guaranteeing that any attempts to break free are met with an onslaught of panic attacks and nausea. She twists and manipulates the world around me, causing every move I make to result in my own suffering. He then opens his arms too me, promising to numb the pain she causes. They are vicious; they are cruel; they are the ever-spinning cycle.

We return to our feet and look around. We are enveloped by shadow and an abyss remains but have no need to mind either. After all, this has always been a more natural state for us. We step forward, matching pace with the crowd and blending in. A slight smile forms on our lips.

"What a wonderful feeling it is to be whole again."